sMoRTy71.com: CVG, SFO and MC Hammer

CVG, SFO and MC Hammer
I'm not what anyone would call a frequent flyer. Before Wednesday, I hadn't flown since October of 1999. It's not so much the actual flying I've been avoiding. I kind of enjoy that part. It's more a fear of crashing and dying.

However, there were two events in San Francisco on Wednesday that required my attendance, so I bit the bullet (and an Adivan) and got on an airplance for the first time in almost 6 years. And to make matters even wackier, I decided to fly out of Cincinnati at 9AM (so that I could take a direct flight) and then to leave SF for Cincinnati at 2AM. In my mind, it seemed like it would be easier for me if I just got all of the flying over with in one day. Plus, I figured I could sleep on the plane trip back to Cincinnati before driving back to Louisville. Turns out that I'm an idiot.

Wednesday
5 AM - I wake up and get dressed for my trip. Because I will be attending a sales meeting at a client's site, I am forced to wear a suit.
6 AM - I leave for the airport, grabbing some Starbucks for the 80 minute car trip to Cincinnati.
8 AM - I arrive at the airport, park the car and head for the terminal. I had already printed out my boarding pass at home, so I bypassed check-in and headed for security. Of course, this is my first flight since 9/11, so I didn't know what to expect from the security check-in.

As I arrived at security, I was probably the 150th person in a line that eventually splits into 3 or 4 checkpoints. After winding through the line and showing my photo ID a couple of times, I got to the scanners where I had to take off my jacket, my belt and shoes, then remove my laptop from its bag. I then had to load all of these items in separate plastic bins before sliding them through the scanner.

Of course, on the other side of the scanner, there are half a dozen people trying to get their shoes and belts and coats back on while grabbing laptops and cameras from the conveyor belt. Lots of fun.

8:30 AM - The waiting begins. I buy a neck pillow, a Rolling Stone, a USA Today and an orange juice and sit down at the gate. For some reason, the flight is pushed back 30 minutes, so we aren't set to depart until 9:31AM. Considering that I had set up an 11:30 AM PST meeting with a co-worker in SF, this was going to make it a mad dash from SFO to downtown. In order to "mentally prepare" for my flight, I take my doctor prescribed 1/2 of an Adivan and wait for it to kick in.

9:30 AM - We've boarded the plane and I'm waaaay back in row 30 of a 737 (I think there are only 32 rows) wedged between two other guys. For the next 4 hours, we did not really communicate at all. One guy wore noise-canceling headphones and read the WSJ, so I found myself yelling "I NEED TO GET OUT FOR A SECOND" when I needed to go to the restroom. The other guy alternated between napping and reading a bar exam study guide.

Even with the Adivan, I still wasn't crazy about takeoff. However, I felt pretty calm compared to other flights where I had been known to claw at the emergency exits and scream "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!" for the full duration of the flight.

Because I was too wound up to sleep, I ended up watching the in-flight movie ("Sahara") and preparing my PowerPoint presentation for the Community Summit I was attending that evening.

Due to a less-than-anticipated headwind, the flight was going to be 4 hours long instead of 4:35 minutes, so I still might be able to make my 11:30AM meeting.

11AM AM PST (2PM EST) - We arrive at the SFO gate and start to exit the plane. However, since I am in row 30 of 32, I don't get off the plane right away. Then I have to make the hike from the terminal to the lower level cab stand. By the time I find a cab (that will accept credit cards), it is 11:15AM. The cab driver says that the trip should only take "abow fivteen meenose." I'm feeling pretty optimistic. Unfortunately, "fivteen meenose" is not equivalent to 15 minutes.

11:45 AM PST (2:45 EST) - I arrive at our headquarters downtown. It's my first visit, so I have to get signed in at the receptionist's desk before heading to what remains of my 11:30 meeting. Of course, because this is my first time to the SF office, I wander aimlessly for the next 10 minutes trying to find it. At the Louisville office (40 employees), you can ask anyone you see where someone else sits; however, in the SF office (600 people), I got quite a few slightly indignant "I don't know who that person is" responses for directions and then looks of suspicion because I am wearing a suit and talking like a hillbilly while everyone else is wearing jeans and faux vintage t-shirts.

11:55 AM PST (2:55 PST) - I arrive at my co-worker's office (which has a fantastic view of the SF skyline) and apologize for being late. Because he has another appointment, we agree to postpone our meeting until he visits the Louisville office next month.

12 PM PST (3 EST) - I grab a sandwich at Subway and return to my temporary desk at the office to check e-mail and complete my Powerpoint for the Community Summit.

2-5:30 PM PST (5-8 EST) - I meet up with 3 of my co-workers for the 1-hour drive down to San Jose for a client meeting. We meet with the client for an hour before taking a 1 1/2 hour drive back (rush hour had started by the time we left).

5:30 - 9:00 PM PST (8:30 PM - 12 AM EST) - We attend the Community Summit meeting at Autodesk with reps from Netflix, IBM, Intuit, Dwell, Babycenter.com, SAP and Autodesk. Because we agreed that "what's said at the Community Summit stays at the Community Summit," I can't give a lot of details about the content other than to say that I presented about what we are doing with Community and how we have implemented Member blogs. The feedback I got was pretty positive and felt good about what we've built this year.

Afterward, we grab a taxi and head for the airport.

Thursday
9:30 PM PST (12:30 AM EST) - We arrive at the airport (I'm flying back on the same flight as my co-worker). We grab a sandwich and then go through security. The next hour is spent waiting for our 11:05 PM PST (2 AM EST) flight to board.

10:45 PM PST (1:45 AM EST) - The flight boards and I am lucky enough to have an empty seat next to me. So I get my neck pillow out and prepare to sleep. As I am about to doze off, I notice a guy coming on the plane at the very last minute. Even from the 26th row of the plane, I knew he looked familiar. As he approached, I realized that we would be flying with the one and only... MC Hammer. As he got to his row and waited for the other two people to get up and let him into his seat, we made eye contact. I gave him the "you're-f*cking-MC-Hammer-right?" look and he gave me the "yeah-but-please-don't-bring-that-sh!t-up" look. So even though he may be a super dope homeboy from the Oaktown, that night, he was just another passenger. As I was about to close my eyes, panic! In my flight-weary head, I realized that lots of pop stars meet their end in airplanes. Needless to say, I didn't sleep much after that.

6 AM EST - We arrive in Cincinnati. Because our client meeting isn't until 1PM (I didn't realize that when I agreed to tag along), we checked into the airport Radisson to sleep for about 5 hours.

12 PM EST - I'm up and dressed (I've been wearing the same suit for 30 hours now). My co-worker and I each have our own car, so our plan is to caravan down to the client location and then find some lunch. I hadn't eaten since midnight and I seriously needed some caffeine.

Unfortunately, the Yahoo! directions we got totally sucked, so we spent much of the next hour in the absolute worst areas of Cincinnati (Thanks, Yahoo!). We saw prostitutes, a drug deal and a telephone pole that was decorated with teddy bears and candles and signs for someone who had been shot there. Fortunately, I was in a Volkswagen and my co-worker was in a Lexus. I figured if the sh!t went down, I had a better chance of making it out.

1 PM EST - We finally find the client location, get a parking spot and head right to the meeting. No food. No caffeine. As soon as we get into the conference room, we notice the agenda for the meeting projected on the wall. It spans 3 hours!!! I almost started crying; however, I was too tired to muster up that much energy.

The meeting turned out to be pretty good, even though I was miserably tired and hungry. The best part was that we finished up in just over 2 hours.

3:30 PM EST - I grab a Dr. Pepper and find my way back to the interstate to make the 90 mile drive back home.

5:00 PM EST - I arrive home, hug my wife and kids and pass out in the bed. It's over.